Six Crazy Things You Can Do With Coke, Other Than Drinking It
The world drinks more than 100 MILLION GALLONS of Coke EVERY DAY. And after more than a hundred years, we've found out a whole bunch of ways to misuse it. Here are six of the best ones, from Homesessive.com.
1. Rust remover. Coke has baking soda in it, along with phosphoric and citric acids. Which basically makes it an industrial-strength cleaner. You can rub it on a chrome car bumper and it'll take the rust spots right off.
2. Pain reliever. You can pour Coke on bee stings
and jellyfish stings to take the pain away. That way no one has to whip
their junk out in public.
3. Fertilizer. Pour a can or two of Coke into your
flower beds once in a while. The acids help break down organic
material, and the sugar attracts microorganisms to enrich the soil. But
you should let the Coke go flat first.
4. Gum remover. When your kids get gum stuck in their hair, soak it in Coke. The gum will slide right off, and you won't have to cut it out.
5. Toilet cleaner. Dump a can of Coke in your toilet
bowl and swish it around. It'll take care of rust, mildew, mold, and
any OTHER kind of stain you might find in there.
6. Odor neutralizer. Coke can supposedly combat SKUNK odor too. If your dog ever gets sprayed, the high acidity in Coke can neutralize the alkaline ingredient in the skunk spray. That's why citrus and tomato juice help too.
Last week, BON JOVI guitarist RICHIE SAMBORA left the band's tour to deal with mysterious "personal issues."
Naturally, there was speculation that he'd fallen off the wagon, but
Richie said he was "well," and just had to deal with "a personal
matter.
Well, the "New York Post" claims he IS drinking like crazy again
A so-called "insider" says, quote, "JON [BON JOVI]
has been trying to get rid of him. He drinks constantly and has a
stream of Hollywood bimbos around all the time . . . he really is a hard
partier, and so are the women he hangs out with."
There was also talk that Jon and Richie had a falling out, and that may
have played a role, too . . . assuming Richie didn't consider his
drinking and his bimbos a problem.
The "Post" says Jon's wife Dorothea "urged" Jon to give Richie the boot in order to keep the show free of drugs and alcohol. (However, it's unclear what her stance was on the bimbos.)
Time for my newest Blog installment "Jokes Dyslexic". Where I give you The Answer, BEFORE The Question... It's basically a rip off of Johnny Carson but without the funny hat.
Enjoy.
The Answer: Kevin Ware's broken leg and Tyler Perry's latest movie.
The Question: Name two things that made audiences cringe.
The Answer: Wichita State, Louisville, Syracuse and Michigan.
The Question: Name three Final Four teams AND an awful place to live.
The Answer: Weaving.
The Question: What does Barbara Walters deny she's doing to "The View"?
The Answer: Jon Hamm's junk and President Obama's budget plan.
The Question: Name one thing that's very clearly outlined AND one thing that isn't.
UltimateClassicRock.com has put together a list of the Top 10 Double Albums of All Time . . . and they awarded the #1 spot to the ROLLING STONES album, "Exile on Main St."
Here's the list:
1.) "Exile on Main St.", The Rolling Stones (1972)
2.) "Blonde on Blonde", Bob Dylan (1966)
3.) "The Beatles (The White Album)", The Beatles (1968)
4.) "Electric Ladyland", The Jimi Hendrix Experience (1968)
5.) "Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs", Derek and the Dominos (1970)
6.) "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road", Elton John (1973)
These albums are all from the '60s and '70s . . . when
the idea of a "double album" was a little more of a big deal. The list
also avoided LIVE albums, and may have shied away from considering two
albums by the same artist.
Which is maybe why THE WHO'S "Quadrophenia" didn't make the cut.
Off the top of my head, where's "London Calling" by THE CLASH?
Well, a lot of bands have tried covering BEATLES songs over the years, with mixed results.
But Buzzfeed.com put together a list of the all-time WORST Beatles covers.
--Sean Connery's spoken word version of "In My Life" from 1998 tops the list, which also includes Bill Cosby's version of "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band", and a cool William Shatner doing a hideous version of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds".
Imagine it's 1987 again . . . and you're grooving to the new PINK FLOYD single "Learning to Fly".
But instead of DAVID GILMOUR'S guitar solo . . . a beat drops, and David busts out a RAP about flying or something.
--Sounds like a HORRIBLE idea right? Well, it almost happened.
--BOB EZRIN co-wrote the song and co-produced the "A Momentary Lapse of Reason" album with David. He was ALL ABOUT the hip-hop craze that was going on in the mid-'80s, and suggested that they incorporate a rap break into the song.
--He tells Spinner.com, quote, "I became fascinated with [rap] in the Afrika Bambaataa days. I'm an early adopter. I actually brought some in when we were doing [the album].
--"I brought [it] to David Gilmour [saying], 'Boy, I think this stuff with a rock beat would be awesome.' He said, 'Oh my God, that would be terrible.' He couldn't believe it. He hated the idea."
--Ezrin seems to acknowledge that it probably wouldn't have worked . . . but he was right. The rap-rock thing would eventually take off, for better or worse.
(--Ezrin is a legit producer. He also co-produced "The Wall", and worked on many ALICE COOPER albums, including "Welcome to My Nightmare". He also produced the KISS album "Destroyer", and LOU REED'S "Berlin".)
(--He's also in the Canadian Music Hall of Fame, if that means anything to you.)
--It should be noted that "A Momentary Lapse of Reason" did include a lot of samples . . . mostly spoken-word clips . . . so in a way, maybe they did kind of take something from early rap.
--Ezrin didn't specify where the rap break would've fit in "Learning to Fly" . . . but Spinner.com suggests it would've replaced David's guitar solo at the 3:50 mark, at the end of the song.
(--But there's a more logical spot. Just over two minutes in, there's a muted, spoken word interlude that lasts about a minute. They could've fit some rhymes into that part . . . although, again, that would have been NOT GOOD.)
If you have no idea what that means you'll identify with the "Top Reasons You Don't Care About March Madness".
--College basketball emphasizes team play and fundamentals. And as an NBA fan, you can't tolerate that.
--You gouged out your eyes while sitting through "Burt Wonderstone" last weekend.
--Shockingly, a matchup between Virginia Commonwealth and Akron just doesn't get you excited.
--None of its athletes have the inspiring back-story of playing for a made-up dead girlfriend.
--You'd rather spend that time reading to your kids. Kidding! Totally watching!
--Your company will no longer allow you to enter any pools, after an unfortunate incident where you locked Sharon from Accounting in the break room and forced her to tell you her sleepers.
--You like sports where elbows to the face aren't fouls, they're POINTS.
--You're choosing to focus on fixing your marriage . . . kidding, you're totally watching.
--The only college thing you care about are the chicks in the "Girls Gone Wild" videos.
--You're tired of that one chick who picks teams based on jersey color winning your brackets.
--You've only got eight hours a day at the office. And you're already wasting all of them with checking Facebook and buying naughty things off eBay.
--It'll still be going on in April. So the name is a total lie.
--And finally, the last time you gambled on someone who played basketball, you voted for Obama.
A Weatherman Wished a Happy Birthday to "Hugh Janus" . . . Then Couldn't Stop Laughing When He Realized It Was a Prank
If you haven't seen it yet, a weatherman in L.A. named Henry DiCarlo
fell for the oldest prank in the book last week. He was reading
birthday messages submitted by viewers on Wednesday.
--And one of them was for a 10-year-old kid with the first name "Hugh" and the last name "Janus". (--CAREFUL . . . as in "huge anus.") At first, DiCarlo didn't realize it was a prank. But once he did, he couldn't stop laughing.
Maybe I'm being childish....but this made my Monday. Have a great one.
A GUNS N' ROSES fan was hit in the face by AXL ROSE'S
cordless microphone during a show in Australia over the weekend . . .
and it busted up his mouth. His two front teeth were damaged, he
suffered a cut lip, and his mouth was bleeding.
--The fan . . . a 39-year-old "pest controller" named Darren Wright . .
. says, quote, "With the bright lights and explosions, I couldn't see
anything. The next thing I knew, I was whacked in the mouth. I thought
I had been punched . . .
--"It took a few seconds to realize what was going on. I could feel
bits of teeth in my mouth. Then someone is climbing through my legs to
grab the microphone."
--He doesn't think Axl intended to do it . . . but he still wants
someone to pay to have his teeth fixed, so he's preparing a lawsuit. A
dentist told him it would require months of dental work, which would run
him at least $5,000.
--No one from Guns N' Roses has commented . . . but Wright says a tour
promoter called him to apologize, and offered him a microphone signed by
Axl.
--That's nice. But Wright says instead of a MEMENTO, he'd rather have
CASH. He says, quote, "In reality, I don't think the microphone is
going to fix my teeth or pay for the dentist. I'm a father of four on a
single income.
--Regardless, he's says he doesn't, quote, "harbor any ill-feelings."
(--Here's a photo of this dude showing off his chipped
teeth. He probably deserves SOMETHING for the ordeal . . . but at the
same time, it isn't like his whole mouth is mangled or anything.)
Jokes Dyslexic
