The Top Reasons You Won't Buy the Apple Watch
Posted by Chris Dillon on 3/11/2015 7:10:00 AM.


 
Well, you'll be able to order the new Apple Watch next month.  
Learn why you couldn't care less with my  "Top Reasons You Won't Buy the Apple Watch."

 
~First they made it so we don't need watches, now they're trying to make everybody wear watches again.  At this point, they're just toying with us.


~You like your wrist like you like your women:  hairy and naked.

 
~You already own a Swatch.  And Swatches are SASSY!

 
~Because you're the only one smart enough to just duct tape your iPhone to your wrist.

 
~You already wear a trilby hat and smoke an e-cigarette and somehow haven't been murdered yet.  Why tempt fate?

 
~You've seen enough movies where people who talk into their watches get pegged by snipers.

 
~You're waiting for a model with flashing lights and alarms that go off when you get a text, so everyone around can tell how awesome you are.


~The only thing you want around your wrist is a pair of fuzzy handcuffs.

 
~You have a hard time believing anything could possibly be more technologically advanced than your "Knight Rider" calculator watch.

 
~You prefer to wait a week, for the inevitable release of the Apple Watch 2.

 
~You're still smarting from being the one person on earth who bought a Newton. (remember those? I do)

 
~You're a hipster and it isn't shaped like a Victorian pocket watch.

 
~You're under 30 and therefore are unsure what a watch is.

 
~You prefer to wait six months for a lighter version with a better camera.

 
~You don't want your watch to be smarter than you are.

 
~You gave up looking like a pretentious narcissist for Lent.
 

~Apple Watch?  What's that?  Haven't heard a thing about it.


Chris Dillon The Drive with Dillon


Chris Dillon's Top Reasons You Won't See
Posted by Chris Dillon on 2/12/2015 9:12:00 AM.




Are you excited about "Fifty Shades of Grey" opening tomorrow?  If you're not, you'll like this list of The Top Reasons You Won't See "Fifty Shades of Grey".

~You never saw the previous 49 shades of grey.

 

~Your wife wants to see it with you and like, ewwww.

 

~You gouged your eyes out after seeing Madonna's ass at The Grammys.


~You're a stoner.  And the theater next to it is showing "SpongeBob".

 

~It exploits women.  And also Friday nights are 2-for-1 drinks at Hooters. 


~Your only real fantasy is to be left alone on a Sunday to watch football.


~You're busy climbing Mount Everest, flying to the moon, and curing Ebola with Brian Williams.


~You loved the book, but you just hate leaving your 20 cats at home alone.


~You found hotter stuff on this mystical thing called "The Internet."

 

~If you want to experience brutal torture in a movie theater, you'll go to a screening of "Mortdecai".

 
~You heard the star is the daughter of Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith.  And you're DEVASTATED by the crazy notion there may be nepotism in Hollywood.


Chris Dillon

On Twitter @DriveWithDillon


13 MORE Things That Annoy Kanye West
Posted by Chris Dillon on 2/11/2015 9:09:00 AM.

We know that Kanye didn't like Beck beating Beyoncé at the Grammys, but that's only one thing on his "I'm Pissed List." We came up with a few more this monring.

Here are our Top 13 Things That Also Annoy Kanye West.

 
1) Happiness.


2) Taylor Swift, Beck, and other thugs that only HE is brave enough to confront.

 

3) The irony of someone who married a Kardashian complaining about artistry.


4) People who don't appreciate his brilliance like . . . kidding!  They don't exist.

 
5) Knowing that no matter what he accomplishes, Ray-J tapped it first.

 
6) When he plays board games with his friends and Beyoncé doesn't win.

 
7) When other people don't think the sneaker he just designed has somehow changed the universe for the better.

 
8) The fact his daughter will soon be old enough to Google exactly how her mommy became famous.

 
9) The unfair assumption that only white people can be obnoxious hipster tools.


10) Being falsely labeled a "shockingly narcissistic blowhard," when he really strives to be more of an "incredibly vain windbag."

 
11) Brian Williams telling everyone that he produced his new album.

 
12) Bill Cosby sending him a thank you card for taking away the title of the Most Hated Black Guy in America.

 
13) He is now the number one result when you Google "Kim Kardashian's ass."

~Chris Dillon
@DriveWithDillon


Today in Rock

Ten Things to Do When You Forget Someone's Name
Posted by Chris Dillon on 7/24/2014 6:47:00 AM.


I'm the worst at this one. You know how you forget someone's name IMMEDIATELY after you're introduced? Don't worry, we all do it. But there are ten ways to remind yourself without looking like a jerk . . . if you're slick about it.



#1. Ask them to put their number in your phone. Usually they'll enter their first and last name. And they'll probably be flattered, because it makes them think you want to keep in touch.


#2. Ask for their email address. Most people have their name in it somewhere, or at least a first initial. Hopefully enough to jog your memory.


#3. Introduce them to a friend. If they're polite, they'll introduce THEMSELVES to your friend, and you'll get the name a second time for free.


#4. Ask them how to spell their name. If you try it with a Tom or a Mary, they'll see right through it. But most names have at least a few alternate spellings, so it won't seem weird if you ask.


#5. Get their business card. People love to give them out, and they'll be thrilled if you ask for it. Plus, if you forget the name again, you'll always have the card to remind you.


#6. Ask about the meaning behind their name. Again, only try this one if you're pretty sure the name isn't something really common.


#7. Get creative. Compare driver's license photos, or get people talking about the different ways kids used to make fun of their names back in school.


#8. End a conversation by reminding them of YOUR name. Usually they'll give theirs right back . . . unless they don't care enough about YOU, in which case you shouldn't feel bad that you forgot.


#9. Wait until they leave and ask a friend. A little risky sometimes, because the longer you talk to someone, the bigger the chance that a situation will come up where you're supposed to use their name.


#10. Just be honest and apologize. If nothing else works, you can ask someone a second time. If you're nice about it, it's not a big deal, because it happens to everyone sooner or later.

~Chris Dillon

Super Bowl Reality
Posted by Chris Dillon on 2/3/2014 7:10:00 AM.



34 Artists Who've Never Won a Grammy
Posted by Chris Dillon on 1/24/2014 10:07:00 AM.

With the Grammys coming up this Sunday, here's a list of artists who've never received one. And we're not counting those lame "lifetime achievement" Grammys, which some of these acts DID receive after a lifetime of being IGNORED . . .

More

The Top Signs There Could be Trouble in the Obamas' Marriage
Posted by Chris Dillon on 1/14/2014 11:30:00 AM.

 
The tabloids are speculating that Barack and Michelle Obama's marriage is on the rocks. Could it be true? You might agree after hearing The Top Signs There Could be Trouble in the Obamas' Marriage.


More

15 Ways to Spike Hot Chocolate
Posted by Chris Dillon on 12/18/2013 6:57:00 AM.



Hot chocolate is delicious all by itself . . . but lets not mince words...alcohol makes it BETTER.

Here now are 15 great ideas for SPIKING hot chocolate.






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Top Shows You Might See on Al Jazeera America
Posted by Chris Dillon on 8/21/2013 9:36:00 AM.

Well well, Al Jazeera America launched yesterday. 

Right now it's all news . . . but they may eventually expand their programming.  

So here's a list of the Top Shows that the WNLC Morning Show thinks you might see on the new Al Jazeera America channel.

(it's for fun so "chill out" if you're easily offended)

 

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The Greatest Food in Human History is . . . the McDonald's McDouble?
Posted by Chris Dillon on 7/29/2013 9:52:00 AM.

If you had to name the greatest food in the HISTORY OF MANKIND . . . and I gave you 50,000 guesses . . . you STILL wouldn't come up with this.


According to the economists behind the book and the website "Freakonomics", the greatest food in human history just might be . . . the McDonald's McDouble.


If you're somehow not familiar, the McDouble is two hamburger patties and a piece of cheese on a bun.  It costs $1 at pretty much every McDonald's in the country.  And that's part of why it's so great.

Putting aside your feelings on fast food, it's never been possible to get so many calories, so much protein, calcium, fiber, and a few vegetables for so cheap.  Supposedly the entire world could survive forever just eating McDoubles.


Each one has 390 calories, 50% of your daily protein, 20% of your daily calcium, and 7% of your daily fiber.


The runner-up pick for the best food in human history was . . . boiled lentils? Because nothing says "pull up a chair for din din's" like a bowl of boiled lentils.

Enjoy!

~Dillon in the Morning

(from the New York Post)


Originally posted on July 29th, 2013

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