Q: My wife is a very sentimental, emotional person. She likes to hold on to anything that has some kind of emotional significance. She even has a stack of three old cell phones that she doesn't use anymore.
I told her she needs to erase them, then donate them, because she'll never use them again. But she wants to hold on to them . . . because they all have text messages from her old boyfriends.
Nothing scandalous . . . so she says . . . but should my wife hold on to stuff from old boyfriends when she's married to me? Is it ridiculous that she's holding on to her cell phones because of emotional texts?
A: Damn Gus, this is bizarre. Look, we’re the same age and being that we’re both guys I’m going to be straight with you.
THERE’S A PROBLEM! I need you to listen to me. There is a very good chance that your wife holding on to her old cell phones has nothing to do with schmaltzy texts and EVERYTHING to do with filthy, lowdown, straight on hot jungle love. I mean the kind that’ll make your jaw drop to the ground like the horny wolf on Looney Tunes when he spots the pin-up model.
You need to get your little hands on those phones and comb over em like a silver back gorilla combs her young. Yes, you may feel guilty when you find yourself reading texts that sound like they’re straight out of the "Notebook", but at least you’ll have piece of mind knowing your wife didn’t roll play going "Boogie Nights" with every member of Il Divo.
So get reading and report back!
send your questions to: email@example.com