|Top Things We Know About Pope Francis.|
|Posted by Chris Dillon on 3/14/2013 8:36:00 AM.|
Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Argentina was elected yesterday as Pope.
See what we discovered about our new Holy Father with the Top Things We Know About Pope Francis.
--His last name rhymes with "gigolo." And if you laughed at that, congratulations, you're going to HELL!
--He's lived a clean, chaste life. But since he's South American, odds are he has a cousin who sold you weed.
--He has a huge head. Which will make his hat look normal-sized.
--At 76, he adds some much-needed youth and spirit to The Vatican.
--He's now the world's second most powerful virgin, behind Tim Tebow.
--During the conclave, he was cracking the cardinals up by hilariously saying, "No pope for you!" in the Soup Nazi voice.
--He's the only person in South America who never wore a thong to the beach.
--He insists that his private bathroom have pope-pouri.
--He still has that New Pope smell!
~Dillon in the Morning.